venerdì 15 ottobre 2010
personal ramblings :)
This thought is about how to deal with our professional past and with the evaluation mistakes everyone more or less has done in past job experiences.
When the other day I was asked, all by sudden, why although the sudden and unforeseen way that one year ago they ended our cooperation , and moreover the fact that such a fact at the very end could bring me more damage than good consideration , I still keep in my curriculum some references to one of my former works with an organization that is frankly poorly considered in the fashion environment, seen almost as a synonymous of what not to do on a runway .
I thought a little about it and I put the same question to myself …” why the hell I do it? .. why I keep their references written there now that I am starting to be a well appreciated model and I have lots of other new and prestigious things to mention in my curriculum?
Am I so masochistic to the point , after such an hard work on myself I am doing to acquire a fine tuned professionalism , to expose myself , and my professional credibility to easy silly jokes about my past experiences?
I thought about it with an open and true soul , and the answer arose to my mind like an epiphany … I do it for my sense of honour I do it for loyalty .
Loyalty , not only and not mainly towards someone that anyhow and however it ended , at. my very .. very …very beginning, and with the professional tools they had , offered me a chance …
Loyalty first and foremost towards myself , my past experiences , my lived , the phases of my professional model path of growth , even and included my inexperience mistakes of evaluation about things, about this profession the way it needs to be approached and the related people who circulate around it .
Loyalty and respect towards my right to show myself true , without the need to disown pieces of my former experiences ( that would be anyway a very stupid move to do because everyone leave traces of their passage everywhere ), on the contrary admitting them and passing them openly under the lens of my acquired awareness to consider if and to what extend, such a past way of work has contributed to make of me a worse model or if it had not influence at all , or if even now that I can put everything in the right perspective , even that experience had brought something positive to my professional luggage contributing to make of me the one I am with my sensitiveness , my discipline and the way I face things .
Because what I am now comes from a sum of factors , and I can say without fear to be called liar that at the moment , several schools after and several different experiences in a wide range of fashion related fields , I can be defined a good level experienced model , even if someone, without being completely wrong, wrote somewhere a “not particularly shining one” .
( .. that in plain words means one that didn’t won any beauty or photo contest since now :P)
So , what I am now, the whole package of the “model Arialee”, included my reliability , my commitment , my hunger to learn always and from everyone , my humble determination in facing things , my true passion for the runway , my attention to the details , my styling skills , my experience that makes of me a quick problem solver, my accurate care about my professional training , my wish to help and mentor new models in my possibilities, ……. well all these traits of my professional portrait are the product of my whole past professional experience, the good and the bad parts , the more shining and the less shining organizations , without the need of lies and hidden pieces, without being exactly proud of everything but even without being particularly ashamed about anything .
Everyone is the product of one own past, and everything lie on us in progressive layers , and then when we bring in a work ( or in a social or love relation ) the whole of ourselves , we bring with us exactly what we are and what we have been . Something will need to be adjusted , something only fine tuned , something will be good as it is and something else will be even better , passing the expectations .
So lets keep high the right to be ourselves as we are without fear to be misrepresented by our past , of course always with the tension to improve and do better but never hiding anything of our former professional experiences ( unless the cooperation ended with a murder and we want avoid to be put in jail ..but that is another movie and we will not talk of that now :PPPP ^^).
That because the ones who should judges us only by prejudices, being influenced more by what we have been in past , than by what we really are now , maybe at the very last are not people worthy to work with.
giovedì 14 ottobre 2010
Here you have a product of my gallopping mental desease :PP
Lui manovra , lui sa , il burattinaio .
Tutte le pene che il mio stare al mondo
mi provoca , e l’angoscia di non essere quella che vorrebbe.
Lui mi tira, mi spinge mi seduce.
Di forme luccicanti mi riveste ,
mi fa essere bella, affascinante , mi fa essere quella che non sono.
Lui conosce la vita e sa i suoi passi ,
raramente si sbaglia o si confonde ,
la stessa sicurezza poi mi infonde anche se io sicura non lo sono.
Così passano i giorni sulle ore,
avvicinando il volto quasi annuso
lo scandirsi del ritmo che lui impone, la corsa verso il nulla e le ragioni.
Cosa fai lì nascosto dietro il vetro,
occhi grandi dilatati da una lente
osservi , tiri un filo , molli un poco, dirigendo quel che resta del mio arbitrio.
Fuggirò da questa gabbia, me lo dico,
aspettando con ansia l’occasione
poi rimando attaccata alla catena delle solite inespresse coazioni .
Lui le sa le cose, lui dirige,
i burattini stanno ad ascoltare
io li osservo e in loro vedo me , il mio specchio è dentro i loro gesti.
Si lo sono un burattino anch’ io
Sono nata da un gesto , da un capriccio
Gettata in questo mondo, sono sola a lottare mentre guarda.
Come insetto al microscopio
Lui mi studia aspettando un sospiro,
una reazione che giustifichi ancora un po’ la fune .
Mi rifletto nel sogno , mi dileguo
Mentre il sonno si stringe attorno a lui
Scappo in fretta in preda all’euforia mentre sogna tranquillo , lui non sa.
Corro , salto , mi fermo
Di assoluta libertà ormai ubriaca e vinta
Non ho legami , né padroni , non più fili che tirino di lato .
Di stordita contentezza,
Ingenua storditezza ignara ,
la sua lente è solo un po’ più in alto mentre il filo trasparente si dipana .