The Art of War applied to butterflies’ competitions ….
Although dreamy and apparently absent minded as an inhabitant of an alien solar system who is the last to know its sun is shutting down , I usually have few but very clear opinions about what I see happening around me , but I never express them in a too vehement way, never in a aggressive way , absolutely never complaining ( maybe I did two times in almost 2 years of modelling , but those were limit cases and the recipient of the complaints should be ashamed about what they did and told me ) often choosing to keep my opinions for myself and myself silent.
That because even a right, justified and wise opinion in theory can become “dramatic “ and so become an inopportune behaviour if expressed with a too high (even if metaphorically ) tone of voice or in a wrong contest .
But my relaxed way of taking fashion world related things, and my SL in general , my way to choose to react “not reacting” to blatantly clear provocations or little mean actions, not fair behaviours , which have the smell of poorly conceived revenges, has never to be mistaken for weakness or worse dullness .
Because I sure you I see everything and I can state, with a slightly snobbish detachment that I usually understand everything what I see .
I am quite aware about what I am surrounded by . I just don’t mention it by choice, a choice of personal style I made some time ago .
I simply let people have what they deserve and often they don’t deserve more than my silence.
Most of the time I just decide willingly to not stop on things , to take a deep breath and move on , to avoid to talk over and over , and reply and review in detail every single thing was said, and every single thing was done or done not , avoiding to blow up on the fire of the easy, useless, polemic .
I must confess I am rather bothered when I notice this way of acting in other people , are they right or wrong , when I hear an insistent complaining about everything my first instinct is to run away and leave them at their repetitive blah blah , and that thing was the best deterrent to keep myself far enough from similar behaviour .
I prefer to let flow bad gossips, poor mean jokes, little mean actions, little or big unfair behaviour on my shoulders that although graceful and delicate if surrounded of lace and silk on the runway, have been trained to be solid and strong as rock, in my everyday life .
Because we all, lovely battalion of butterflies, often when we complain about something ( and the 90 % of time we complain for not being chosen somewhere) , we start from a wrong premise that wrongly influence our evaluation of the reality.
In fact usually when we participate to a casting, submit the photo to a designer’s contest , attend to a live audition , we assume that the winner “must be the best looking , the best dressed , the loveliest of us , and when that happens most of us ( there are always the due exceptions , but complaining in that case is a mental pathological illness and I wont talk about it ) quietly accept the result in the consoling thought that the superiority of the winner assured the fairness of the whole matter .
But when for a chance, likewise fair, and soon I will explain you why it is , to win is not the “best one , the best dressed, the best looking one , the loveliest “ then we start cry havoc ….. And there is nothing worse of the deafening noise that a battalion of silent complaining butterflies make.
Ahahaha ….. I hear you my dear little butterflies and I understand you ( because I don’t live on Mars I am one of you ) . I can perfectly hear that subtle , sneaking voice make its way between a smile and a ritual “congrats” , that little voice coming from the inside of the bowels , climbing the tummy , arriving till the left ear to whisper us in a cross tone.. “..damn it …I was perfect …, my outfit was perfect ,….. my poses were impeccable, ….I looked like a true princess and wtfff%&%$£$% kkk !! They didn’t even looked at me !! “
Well I have had in a not even so far past that kind of self destroying , time and energy consuming, kind of mind attitude, I am not ashamed to admit it because , it is a someway natural behaviour although I fixed it and I feel much better now . But that’s why I know perfectly what I am talking about ….
It is a kind of “newbie competitor” attitude, not because it is “newbie” to complain in general, that’s only annoying , but because the reason we often complain for .
It is all tied to the wrong mind premise we have when we attend a “competition”, meaning with the word “competition” whatever kind of event where models are lined up , live in alpha order or by photo on a agency wall , and as result we have that some (or one ) are picked up and others no .
The winner/winners of the competition whoever she is , often is not he best , the most skilled , the best dressed, the loveliest of the competitors .
Sometimes , it can be even a completely outsider one , and can even happen that the skills, the beauty , the sense of style , the poise of some of the discarded ones scream out loud , but doesn’t matter , it is perfectly fair the way it is , that to win was not the best , but the one who met what the jury , whatever jury , was looking for .
The one that gave an emotion to the human being called to judge, even if her dress was not perfect, her pose not so sophisticated and a bit stiff and her look not so impeccable. But with evidence something in her moved a range of emotions that other even better ones were not able to move.
Yes , I know what you are telling me my butterflies – “…..there were a lot that looked like royal princesses!” ..But you know what ? That day the judges were just fed up by the royal family princesses and they were looking for a twist more so they had an emotion and picked in the bunch the 3 that looked like the escaped residents of an asylum on fire” .
( it is a fun example I am not referring to any recent event . You won’t trap me on it !! LOL )
And now I hear you my lovely butterflies, asking me again , if it is so fair that in a competition, the judges make that kind of choice …. and I will never stop to tell you, YES ..YES ..YES .. it is perfectly fair and completely understandable , because the things judges/agencies/designers look for, in that place and at that time , is always different and it might even be out of the “orthodoxy of the loveliness” or on the contrary lay completely on that concept, depending on their temporary tastes and inclinations.
Obviously I don’t even take in consideration the fact that to go ahead in “competitions” of whatever genre , are people chosen in consideration of their friendship or job relation , or familiar bounds with some of the judges or their friends or clients. I hope such a low thing doesn’t happen because, this fact would insult the intelligence of both who choose and who is chosen, meaning the chosen girl wouldn’t be able to go ahead without a little friendly “push “ .
But we all know so well that these things never happen in SL fashion world , that just mentioning it is a loss of time
Back to us …. I will tell you a thing (and it took me a while to understand, metabolize and accept it ! ) that an arbitrary judgement of a jury , provided is not polluted by “nepotistic” reasons not contest related , is fully A B S O L U T E L Y fair .
If we accept to be underneath judgement of third people in a competition, provided that we trust their independence of thought and their inner seriousness, we must accept their tastes , their little mania and obsessions , their pet peeves , in few word we must accept to be liked or not on the basis of an unfathomable criteria , a ruler of evaluation that can even not be at all “ the runway skills” or “the loveliness of look ” .
We must learn that it is an act of faith in which we can just be happy of the result we brought there , doing our best . Then if our best was not their best … well patience it means that next time it might be better , in the same place or in another place .
That is all about learning to deal with refusal without being eaten by it.
Because, butterfly , never , and I mean never , to be not picked at a casting , or not chosen for a finale or not bla bla bla bla ( insert what you like here ) …..must make you doubt of your inner value, if after a true self analysis about your look , your editing , your poses , your whole you, you are truly happy about yourself .
Not everyone can win, and sometime win and sometime lose is part of the game.
But the exam to be useful must be true and made with self honesty and a good deal of self irony to be really useful .
At this point I can’t avoid to tell you a little story about what happened to this “ old runway chicken” that defines herself skilled, not more than some weeks ago .
Dressing for the casting , not happy about the shoes I had in my first outfit , I decided ( against every good sense rule ) to change them last minute , and so 15 minutes before the casting call the “here writing dull runway chicken” decided to head towards a well know shoe shop and buy an elegant pay of new brand pumps . The here writing chicken bought them , went back home , unpacked them tried them , edited them , added tem at the outfits and went to the casting all in 15 minutes . Wonder Model !
Then she made her performance , she posed , she was elegant , she was lovely …….. and she was discarded .
Now I don’t know if it was only for that, or to being discarded contributed a sum of reasons , and really I don’t want to know . Because going back home ….. realize I had forgotten to eliminate the damn heels click sound that was on default and to think …darn it I am f %&/(%&%$%&d was one thing !!! But the result was the less.
If I think about it , and I can’t do it without laugh in the depth of myself ( I thank the God of the morons who gave me a sane sense of humour to keep me safe in any situation ) , I am still shuddering in horror and shame thinking that I had done a whole casting call in front designers professionals and collegues , with a “ clippete cloppete clippete “ sounding runway!
I sure you , when I realized it I would have made hara-kiri with a solemn death ritual under the old low prim peach three in my house garden .
But then I realized that it happens , it happened to the best and it will happen in future to better people than me , it should not to an attentive professional , but it does , and when we make such a gross mistake, it is useless to find if and but , we have to raise hand with grace and say … ok my fault !!
That anyway brings to my mind another issue. I am sure , because it already happened that if I heard some other model making such a noise I would have immed her telling her about the fact , now I wonder , did really nobody else hear it or despite our smiles and hugging the merciless logic of “mors tua vita mea “ prevailed ? I prefer don’t question myself about it . At last everyone needs to keep some illusion intact
Back to us .
The only thing when we compete we must be sure of ( usually it happens more in contests than in castings ) is the seriousness of the organization and the fact they don’t change the rules in the middle of the play , because that is not only lack of honesty and deeply unfair but even deeply in spite of the time , the emotional investment and sometimes the economic resources of the contestants .
We should always avoid to join competitions where we have the smell ( and lets trust our instinct ) that someway the result is pre-cooked , where we and our gracious loveliness or our fierce unconventional sense of style , are used like movie extras just to make the landscape and make shine the one/ones who were pre destined to win since before the competition started . I must say there are not many of these case, but such pageants exist , and it is only a matter of time learning to develop the skills that bring us to find out those scams ( and I don’t talk only about the usual “pay for vote” contests easy to avoid in their gross evidence , but even about some with a much more “presentable facade” ones ) and run away with the speed of a rocket .
And that choice and evaluation has to be made with a lot of care, asking advices , not being ashamed to make lots of question about how it works, having the courage even at beginning of a career to say no to smelling bad situations and to join only well known and with adamantine reputation of seriousness organizations .
I know it , my lovely butterflies , because I have been there as well ( well lovelies as you can see I have missed nothing in the “cursus honurum” of the perfect dull newbie model at my beginning ) , bad experiences with those runway predators and life drainers , can cause serious wounds to one’s own self esteem that can be only fixed with a lot of trust in oneself .
Being part in those fake representations, even if made in prefect good faith as it happens most of time , can make feel ashamed of oneself , and I have no fear to use a “strong” word can leave a sense of disgust and of fault like it happens , without any reason , to the innocent victims of a violence.
But about that, my butterflies , we will talk another time .
Enough ramblings for today
